The whole week I had been mentally preparing myself for my first day of my internship with an occupational therapist. I rummaged through my closet with an attempt to find something “professional” to wear on my first day to make an impression on Mrs. Marlin, the OT (occupational therapist) whom I would be interning with. When I talked to my boyfriend, he would always kindly reassure that I would do fine and that I had nothing to worry about. I was fine for the moment until the morning of the internship.
I had to make an hour drive to Hampton at 9:15 to meet up with Mrs. Marlin at Merrimack elementary. It would have been earlier, but I had class in the morning that I couldn’t miss so I opted to not leave earlier. I sat through my 8:00 class all that morning, pondering on what types of kids I would or would not be working with that day making focusing on anatomy and physiology a difficult task. I sat trapped in the room . My stomach slightly had the case of the butterflies, but they seemed to disappear when I remembered how gentle Mrs. Marlin sounded on the phone. She appeared to be a nice person from what I heard, so it eased my nervousness a little. But part of me just wanted to leave the class early so I could just get it over with. Then suddenly, I heard my teacher’s jubilant voice say, “See you next Tuesday!” On that note, I jumped out of my seat and dashed to my car. I had told Mrs. Marlin that I would be there around 10:00 so I was making an effort to get there as early as possible to make a good impression. My mom called me while I was on the way. She hadn’t been home the night before due a surgery my brother had to undergo so she was checking to see if I had directions to school and if I was prepared.
“Yes, I’m ready. I’m just really nervous,” I told her as I kept my eyes on the road.
“You’ll do fine, sweetie. I’m really proud of you, “she boasted, “Just call me when you are done.“
Yes ma’am, “I said reluctant to hang the phone, “Love you Mama. I’ll see you later.”
“I love you too precious,” she said, the phone making a beeping nose as she hung up the line.
From there on, I drove on the highway, thankful of the fact that there was no morning traffic on the Bay Bridge. I kept looking at my directions to confirm that I was going the right way until I appeared that I was all until the directions landed me at a high school that was definitely not the elementary school. The sign read ‘Phoebus High School’, and I looked at my directions, puzzled as to how I ended up there. I drove around the vicinity assuming that because there was a high school that an elementary school would accompany it. After at least twenty minutes of driving around, I came to the conclusion that the school was nowhere near the area I was in. I called Mrs. Marlin, explaining to her how the MapQuest directions had misguided me.
After another thirty minutes of her leading me all around Hampton, since I made it up to the school with no time to spare, and I was greeted by Mrs. Marlin who was proceeding through the double doors that led to the office.
Her face had a nice, gentle smile, and her eyes had a nice green color to them. “Nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Marlin,” I shook her hand.
“And it’s nice to finally to meet you as well Miss Paige,” she returned the handshake. I then followed her through the double doors.
The school was filled with the laughter of children and the scent of cleaning supplies. The floors were so spotless that they shone under the ceiling lights. Never had I seen a school that was so clean. I was greeted with the smiles of many teachers walking up and down the hallway, a straight line of kids proceeding behind them. After briefly popping into the office to obtain a visitor’s tag, we walked down to the speech therapy room. When we first stepped into the room, I was surprised at how small the room was. The room was filled with educational posters on how to read and write. It was rather chilly, since Mrs. Marlin was always moving around and frequently became overheated. There were two tables; the big one for older students and miniature one for the younger students. On the desks, there were tissues and hand sanitizer for the students.
“At most schools I don’t get my own so I most of the time I’m sharing. It takes some time getting accustomed to, “Mrs. Marlin explained as she rolled her backpack to a corner in the room, pulling out the supplies she would need for the day. In her bag, she had crayons, markers, toys, and sorts of fun activities to keep the children involved and wanting to learn. She also had this special instrument called silly putty. She lodged these little pieces that resembled Chinese checkers into the putty, and squished the putty together multiple times until the little checkers were not visible. “When kids tear apart the putty, it helps strengthen their motor muscles in their fingers,” She placed the putty on the table in front of me, “ It makes tasks such as holding a pencil to write and attempting to button a blouse easier.” I dug my fingers into the weird contraption for a few seconds, feelings the texture of it and rough edges of the pins poking through the putty.
“Well, it’s time to go get our first student,” She pushed her seat in, and we both proceeded towards the door. I could hear my footsteps echo as we walked down the narrow hallway to a classroom all the way to the end only to find that the room wasn’t occupied. Mrs. Marlin concluded that they must’ve gone to recess, so we headed back down the hallway and out the double doors on the right side.
We eyed the playground for student who we would be working with, even though I hadn’t a clue of what the student’s appearance was. “There he is!” Mrs. Marlin picked up her pace. His name I cannot exactly recall, but we shall call him ‘Tommy.’ He was in line with all of his other classmates getting ready to go back to class, so we began heading towards the line. His skin was a creamy milk color, and his amber eyes had beautiful glow, shelltered by his long eyelashes. His nose was rather runny though because he had just caught a cold.
“Are you here to pick him up? “ His teacher asked.
“Yes we are,” Mrs. Marlin had a pleasant smile on her face. With that note, he proceeded into the classroom to get a drink of water to help ease his bad cough, and we slowly walked down to speech therapy room. Mrs. Marlin casually asked him about his day and how he was doing, and he responded with ease, his speech a little slurred.
When we arrived at the room, we all sat down at the miniature table in the other corner of the room. Mrs. Marlin explained that sitting with the students at their level helped them not feel so far apart from us. She placed in front of him a picture of an outline of a school bus with dotted lines around the outside and pair of safety scissors. He slowly began cutting along the lines until he became distracted with talking about something that was completely away from the task at hand. Mrs. Marlin would politely say, “That’s nice. Let’s finish cutting out these pieces before you have to go back to class.” And her motivating him would last for a few minutes until he would cease cutting again to talk about something completely off topic. This continued for the rest of the lesson until it was time for him to go, but he eventually finished his cutout. After he finished gluing the windows to his bus that was sloppily colored, Mrs. Marlin told him it was time for him to go back to class.
We stood at one end of the hallway watching him scramble back to the classroom until he was completely out of sight. And that was how the cycle events continued for the next few hours. We saw a few more kids, pulling them out of their classrooms to have at least thirty minutes of working on life skills.
Then, there was one kid that stood out from the bunch; who had a disorder that was way different than the rest of the kids I had seen that day. His mood was rather melancholy. The activity Mrs. Marlin had laid out for him was similar to one she gave Tommy ,which consisted of cutting along the dotted lines of the bus outline and windows. Gary had a hard time with positioning his scissors the right way, and Mrs. Marlin had to readjust his hand many times. I noticed that he kept scratching his right arm repeatedly throughout the thirty minute session. On his arms were humongous bumps that resembled mosquito bites. “I’m sorry, but I have an itching problem,” he would say, “I got to get Mom to fix it.” Mrs. Marlin would just nod, encouraging him to keep cutting so he would be able to give the bus to his bus driver. But he kept drifting topic, further off topic than any of the other kids I had seen that day. He told Mrs. Marlin and me about the demons he had within himself and how he had tried to convince the demons that he was on their side. Mrs. Marlin sat flabbergasted, looking at me to see if I was hearing what he was saying. I was baffled as well. I couldn’t really put a finger on who or what the demons were, but I could tell that they had been plaguing him for a while. The sadness that my heart felt towards him was indescribable. I couldn’t really say nor do anything to comfort him.
The bell rang for dismissal, and we walked him back to his classroom. We decided to pull the teacher aside and inform her of the abnormal conversation we had just had with one of her students. All the students came around and hugged me as their teacher prepared to put them on the bus. When we finally got her attention, I was surprised when a smile erupted on her face as if the whole thing was a joke as we explained the situation. I thought that it was a serious matter that required attention beyond an occupational therapist’s. And to this day Mrs. Marlin still sees him at least once a week.
After working with the kids, I began realizing that they weren’t so ‘disabled’ as people thought they were. Many of the students would come into the room talking about their day or the likes and dislikes about things that were going on at home. I was utterly surprised when one of the students came into the room and told me that his girlfriend was the infamous singer Beyonce. They were just like the rest of people I had encountered in life.
Each kid always had a story to tell whether it was telling us about their day, complaining about problems at home with their siblings, or even conversing about my employment status. It made me wonder if we were the only ones they had to talk to or if we were just the only ones who would take the time to listen. I clenched countless times as I walked down the hallway with the kids I was working just because of the many stares I received from the other students and teachers. It was so rude, and so uncalled; I was surprised at the amount kids who had not been taught manners by their parents.
Working with the kids taught me that they are not too different any other person from us. If people wanted to start being helpful in way of supposedly helping them, then they need to start treating them like everyone else. I can recal clenched countless times as I walking down the hallway with the kids I was working with a clenched fist just because of the many stares I received from the other students and teachers. Some of them looked as us as if we were the scum of the Earth. It was so rude, and so uncalled for; I was surprised at the amount kids who had not been taught manners by their parents.
I believe if people took the time to understand the people the deemed ‘disabled’ then they wouldn’t label them as such. Everyone functions differently, and people just need to learn to be more compatible with each other.
As one of my classmates, Charles, quoted, “All of us are sitting in a room with one student deemed disabled. And they can speak and express themselves yet we can’t understand them. Truly are they the ones who are disabled?
An Unforgettable Internship
By: Paige Penson
ENG111F09D42B
Thesis Statement: The whole week I had been mentally preparing myself for my first day of my internship
Audience Statement: Able-bodied people who have had little interaction with the disabled.
Into your arms. After having this guard up for so long, I finally let it down. I'm free to love, and it doesn't really scare me anymore. It's what we risk when date people and take chances. We risk getting hurt. It's the ones who care about us that hurt us the most. If we didn't care, it wouldn't hurt. But I finally took the chance when you asked me the second time; partially questioning myself if the saying yes to you was the right choice. And it was.
To me, nothing lasts forever. Especially since we are both so young. Things will happen in life and our minds and hearts are still developing and feelings may change. But I'll kiss your forehead and hold your hand while I still have the chance. I hold onto the memories we have and live for today, and not worry about the obstacles that life throws at us. Things will happen the way they are supposed to. I can do nothing to change fate.
You have taken my crap about past relationships, and so have I about yours. You vowed to me that you would be able to change my mindset; that you could heal what someone else had heartlessly shattered. And I told you no you coudln't. Only I can get rid of these doubts and memories I have him. I don't need a superman. And you said well if you wanted to know, you never have to deal with it alone. And that's when I knew you weren't gonna give up on us.
I never take a day of our relationship for granted. Each day that I wake up, I thank God that you are still by my side. I never take a day of our relationsup for granted. Each day that I wake up, I thank God that you are still by my side.
You are my first to a lot of things. And not even in a perverted way/ And I hope you hold that fact dear. Because I don't give a piece of my heart to just anybody.
But I know no matter what happens or doesn't happen, I'll love you always. Honestly and truthfully. Because when I say that I love somebody, I never take it back. It's an emotion, to me, that cannot be taken back. I love you, Sean. Forever.
People take so many things for granted for life such as knowing how to speak, read, eat, and other everyday things. Do they not realize that people live their lives in constant frustration without such skills and each day? And how could they have the nerve to complain so much when there are other who have a way more difficult than they do? People and attitudes like that seem to frustrate me since I know and love somebody who has every reason to be upset and frustrated with life at times, but always remains smiling and jubilant through the roughest of times.
My brother, Chase, who was diagnosed with profound autism at birth, would’ve never been classified as charity case to anybody in our family. He had his extra needs here and there, but never did anybody in our family wait on him hand and foot. We knew that doing too much for him wouldn’t make the situation any better. We were so used to writing things down for Chase or gently taking a hold of his hand to help him write his name for certain documents that we weren’t even thinking about changing the cycle of how things usually worked until we went to the Skill quest Center that Chase attended in the evenings one day. They were throwing Chase a late birthday party for his birthday had passed a few days before.
We had arrived a little late due to an important phone call my mom had to make so we had missed the singing of the Happy Birthday, and birthday cake had already been half way devoured. Everybody was sitting around the lunch table with smiles plastered on their faces, music blasting in the background. Chase was sitting near the center of the round table with his plate half empty since he never really had a big appetite.
“Come on in! Have a seat! Help yourselves to as much food as you like!” A short plump lady who I couldn’t identify directed us over to the tables. And my mom and I ate a little bit, mostly prompting Chase who sat medial to us to eat a little more, and that always resulted in him just shoveling his mouth with food so we quickly gave up. We then noticed the peeved look on Chase’s face as one of his instructors pulled up to dance with her so it was then that we decided we were just going to go ahead and take him home. But then one of his other instructors pulled aside and was boasting about how well Chase was doing in the computer lab so we decided to check it out.
She led us down a spacious hallway, my mom doing all she could to keep up with Chase and I, to a room hidden in far east of the building adjacent to the ‘relaxation room’. We walked inside the room, all four of us then sitting down at the computer, waiting for the program to boot up. When the program finally started up, the instructor set these flash cards with letters on them on the keyboard and had him match up each letter to the corresponding key on the keyboard, and Chase matched each letter with ease.
My mother and I were flabbergasted at the secret ability that we had never known Chase had. All that time, we had though that the English alphabet was nothing more than a foreign language to him, but it was quite evident we were wrong as he matched the letters on the computer screen to keys on keyboard. We had no clue that Chase even knew how to read or identify English words.
His instructor was so proud to show off his talent, her azure eyes glowing jubilantly more than pearly whites. She also explained to us how she got him started doing such and how we could help him learn more so he could eventually become independent from us reading things aloud to him. My mother and I took note of how to do each thing mentally, gradually noticing how quick time had passed by as we sat there.
The look on Chase’s face wasn’t a satisified one, his teeth half way gritted with a look in eyes that questioned why we had yet left to go home. So finally after listening to the woman lecture on for hours about her accomplishments with Chase and what her aspirations and dreams were for the SkillQuest program, we finally were able to politely wiggle our way out of the building. Chase was leading in the front as usual as if he was trying to get out of dodge before another one of his instructors felt like ‘showing off’ an accomplishment he had achieved.
To this day, he is saying more, showing his approval of certain things and surely showing when he is discontent with a certain action or event. Most importantly, he is growing mentally and physically each and every day, and I’m hoping maybe there will be one day I can have a full fledged phone conversation with him or maybe receive a letter in the mail from him.
But I know all that I can do as a big sister to him is show him that I will always be there for him, if he ever gets frustrated and tired that he will always have a shoulder to fall back on, and that I will be there to push him to better even if he refuses to push himself.
I felt so bad for doubting what my brother was capable of as if I had missed out on a big part of his life due to my ignorance. I am aware that my brother is autistic and there are certain task that he can’t carry out, but besides that fact he is human just like you and I. He feels, loves, learns, and grows. Anything is possible as long as he has a will, and I that I’m positive he has.
The point I am trying to make is that anybody can push through certain circumstances to see the sunlight and smile again. You just have to try. Sitting around and moping and complaining about how bad your life is will get you absolutely nowhere because most of the time the people who should be complaining are out doing something with their lives. Everyone’s predicament is different, and people go through different things, but it is always possible to pull yourself up from self pity and do something about it.
Or you can always just take the time to think about the good things that are going on in your life and learn to appreciate what you have.
And I am a tad bit reluctant for the summer to end. This summer has to be one of the best summers I have ever had.
But I am proud to say that I am now an alumni to a high school.
After 12 years of hard work, I can say that I'm proud to start my adult life I guess.
Yet, it's terrifying all the same. I'm working towards my independence slowly and slowly each day. To think one day I will no longer be under my parents wing is refreshing and mortifying all the same.
DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE I HAVE TO GET OVE
My high school memories shall stay with my always though. I made friendships that will hopefully carry on for a lifetime. From the day I walked in as a freshmen, confused and scared, to walking across the stage with a humongous smile on my face. I won't forget it at all.
The fights I had with people, the friends I made and lost, the crazy times of just running down the hallway screaming and not giving a damn about who was watching.
The heartbreaks and for all the times love was I found, I thank the Lord for those times because it has made me a better person.
THANK YOU FOR LIFE MY LORD!
And it's exhilirating yet scary at the same time. I mean....there is no more high school after this.
No more skipping with the fear of being discovered. No more texting without the fear of being discovered. No more running down the school hallways just to grab Danielle's butt. No more running and screaming down the hallway just for the fun of it. No more hiding out in the school library when I'm bored out of my mind. No more Salem High School.
I must say that I will miss it incredibly. The people I met there, the memories that were made, the pain and love that was all felt at that school shall always remain a part of me.
To all of my underclassmen lovers:
I will miss ya'll dearly, you just have no clue. I'm happy to have been able to help when I could. Please don't forget about me okay? May you all be successful one day. And who knows? I might just pop up to see ya'll in school one day.
My time to shine has come. It's time to leave all the childish stuff behind now. Because I'm graduating. :]
And I decided to get on the computer real quick cuz I really don't understand this movie that's on right now. >.>
But I had a pretty good today, nothing went wrong at all.
:]
I kinda enjoy being single, but there have a few guys I have had my eye on from time to time. Sometimes the past tries to catch up with me, but I find ways to evade it because I'm sure as hell that I don't want to be stuck in it.
This movie is really freakin weird. Like seriously.
And I have HRYWE practice tonight, so I know I'm gonna be tired when I get in.
But there's nothing wrong with staying busy I guesss.
It's weird how I'm like a mother to everyone whos here. People always say that they can see me with kids, but I don't see it.
I think this dude is hitting on me. Idk, but he has a girlfriend so he needs to stop.
I'm SO FREAKING RANDOM.
Oh yeah, and I have to write a note back to Soap. I forgot about it,
Well bye byez for now. ^-^
- Mood:
crazy
is to make new ones so it doesn't feel like those memories were the only you had. I mean... memories are memories. Some things you just can't forget no matter how much you try, but... you can only dwell on them for so long.
Still I'd never regret what happened. I just got to move on from it because that's not how things are now.
But doood, I think I have a crush on my science teacher. Strange eh? The woman who vows to not crush on obtainable people has just deemed herself a hypocrite. But he's so cute. ^-^.
Oh yeah, and I finally made the trip to go see Ms. Jane. She was happy to see me. I'm definately going to go see her more often now.
I just realized it doesn't take a lot to make me happy. This one guy who had a mental deficiency of some sort smiled and waved at me, and it was just enough to keep me beaming all morning. I love it.
Life is looking bright forrrrr me right now. :]
- Mood:awake
"Either way, it doesn't matter to me. I'll be fine." That's what he said about our relationship.
That kinda hurts. But I guess I got to move on from it. Part of me doesn't want to though, but I know I have to. It just sucks ass. I loved..love him so much. It's just some of the crap he says that pissses me off. See... this is why I rarely approach guys with how I feel... I end up getting hurt. But he kinda warned me about that.
I don't know I'm confused.
Everything will happene the way it's supposed to. That's all I know, and I'm relying heavily on that instinct. Besides God, it's the only thing I have left.
But after meeting my brother's fraternity brothers, I know they are decent men out there. I know there are. And I don't need to settle for some of the things I've been settling for.
Not all guys are jerks. Just the ones certain people choose are.
I don't know what God has in store, but hopefully it involves something benificial.
Either way, I know I'm gonna be okay. It's gonna take some time though. A lot of time.
- Mood:
chipper
The clock is finally clicking down to my graduation. Kinda exciting yet scary in a sense. While part of me is ready to move on in life, the other part is somewhat reluctant to leave behind all the memories and all the people I had the memories with.
It's crazy how quick we grow up.
I haven't talked to my boyfriend since Friday, it drives me crazy that he doesn't have a phone or anything. Seriously....I start like jumping to conclusions and shit. Like he could be cheating on me or just really weird stuff.
I need to stop being so negative. And I need to stop worrying about stuff that I can't control.
It'll all be okay in the end because everything happens for a reason. And I know that I love him, I mean...I loved him for around 3 years.
Even though the feelings had been submerged for a a year or two, I knew they were still there. There were never fully erased, and I got tired of lying to myself, lying to others about how I felt. So I just came out and told him how I felt, one of the most boldest and yet most vulnerable things I have eeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvver done.
And things actually went in a positive direction even though I wasn't expecting them to.
I'm happy with the way things are. I love hiiimmm so much.
And even if he weren't with me, I would want him to be with someone who could make him happy. But I think I'm accomplishing that pretty well. That's how much I love my Tenshi-kun. ^-^
In a month or two, it would be a year since my grandma has been gone. Hard to believe isn't it? I really need to go see Ms. Jane, but I keep forgetting to. Like dude.
But I need to go, before my parents bust my ass for not studying. I got an E on my report card, and that isn't sitting too well with them. >.>
Peace.
- Mood:busy
"let go and let God."
I'm starting to follow those words religiously now.
Enough of the past, I'm sick of it.
I'm ready to move on, and find love, find rejoice, and find happiness.
I'm think I'm in the process of that already, and nothing is rushing me.
"treat others as they treat you even if they don't treat you the way you want to be treated."
Now, that I'm struggling with because I'm quick to bash someone harder than they could ever bash me.
Little things can't phase me anymore.
AYAYAYAYAY. Idk.
Homework, scholarships, graduation, friendships, too much going on at once. >.<
I guess I should finish these summaries I gotta do since there is like 25 of them. :[
Jaaa-nee!!! <3
If this is happiness, then I want more.
- Mood:busy
So now I'm deep into my senior year in high school, and things are finally starting to look up. After all that stupid drama about my ex-boyfriend, WHO I THOUGHT CARED ABOUT ME, college stuff, the people talking about me, and just making my mind where I stood in life, the bad things cleared up.
I've made lots of new friends, and still sometimes keep in contact with the old ones. And left the ones alone who didn't want to be bothered and let them come back to me when they saw that I just didn't give a damn anymore. I'm not going to be upset or jealous over something so useless and stupid.
I'VE GOT THE PEOPLE I NEED.
I've become obsessed with the word tree for some weird reason. Haahahaha.
I'm content with being single at the moment but it would be nice to have a companion who I could romance with. But I'm willing to let those things come with time. And make sure I completely know the person first before assuming things of them.
I must start writing fanfiction again. Must must must must!!!!!
- Mood: impressed
Sometimes I wonder how you're doing. I already know that you wonder how I'm doing. She tells me the bad things you say about me, so I know you must care. If you didn't, then you wouldn't bring my name up.
I won't deny the fact that I still care about you. I won't deny the fact that I miss talking to you on the phone. I won't deny the fact I miss your warped, twisted, demented sense of humor or sometimes protective nature. I also won't deny the fact that all of those things weren't enough for me overlook the fact that I couldn't change you.
That I couldn't accept you for who you were.
I had never heard of this in my life. It seems so harsh, but yet it somewhat speaks the truth about us women. But I don't like how it makes us seem evil. Or weak and fragile when that isn't true in all cases. It depends on the type of woman you get, and what she is using her charm to accomplish in my opinion.
My mom says the person who wrote this, whether it be Reuben or some other person, had a personal experience with a woman who fits those traits, and grew bitter against all women because of it. I think that's a bunch of bull. Everyone can be evil. Not just women.
Idk. All I know is that I can distinct right from wrong, and I'll use that instinct to guide me through my life.
:]
But I haven't been on here in a minute have I? Like a few months?!?!?!?!?
Gosh dang.
But uhhhh, life has been pretty good to me. Gonna be a senior this year, and I have a new boyfriend. Been with him for like a month now, and hopefully many more to come.
Sometimes though, I wonder how long we are going to be together because you know what they say about high school relationships. But you never really know. I mean... I guess I just have to go with the flow cuz I realize the possibility of us not being together forever. I'm not oblivious to that fact at all. We're both young after all. But I'll enjoy the moments that we have together now because it's useless to worry about something that isn't a 100% under your control anyway.
Blaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.
I'm also beginning to see things for what they actually are.
Like when I had that period when I felt isolated from everybody?
That was jealousy. I was jealous and bitter, and I didn't want to admit it.
It hurt like he....health.
I think it's natural to feel that way about something or someone you care about truly.
Shaaaaaaaaabbbbbaaa.
I'm done rambling. I need to finish these two AP projects before I fail the 12th grade. Lol.
<3 Sayounara
- Mood: calm
So my life has been fabolous lately. Its had its ups and downs but more ups than downs I suppose. Well, if you didn't already know, my grandmother passed two months ago. I was holding her hand while she died, but I believe that she was holding my spirit when she passed cuz she surely kept me strong.
It's can be kinda hard without her sometimes because I just miss her so much. But then again, she is probably happy in heaven now. And It would be selfish of me to want to deprive her of that happiness and the time that God has with her now.
Things have been changing with my friends a lot. I feel like an outsider at times. And it kinda hurts. but I eventually get over it because I don't like shit phasing me for too long I guess. It's unhealthy.
Butttt....yeah.
And me that guy that I was thinking of being with?
Well.....
We've done the whole dating scenario and it lasted for about a month until i wanted out. I feel as if I change the reason each time someone asks me why I ended it. I guess it is just because there were too many reasons.
I held a grudge against for a looooooooooonnnnnng time.
Just cuz he didn't stick to his promise of staying friends which I know may sound stupid, but I don't like being made empty promises. I mean....I would call him and see how he was doing an everything. Even leave him comments on myspace.
Still no response....
I guess he just didn't be bothered. But he should have just told me so furreal.
It will make getting along with me so much easier furreal. I can handle the truth. Just tell me it eh?
Idkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
And I got an award for japanese. I felt so speshul. Hahahahaha. But anyways I guess this concludes my daily random rabbling.
Sayounara~ ^-^.
- Mood:busy
But with that, lots of good things have been happening. God has been helping me through all of this. He has made me <b>strong.</b> He helped me get over something I never thought I could get over. He helped me the reality in the person that I was crying over, that it was useless and a waste of time. He taught me how to stand my ground. And ever since, not a tear has shed for that person. I have a few best/tight friends that don't live in my city. I'm grateful for them. Got a few where I'm at as well. But I have a very best friend that unfortunately does not live in the same city as I. I can tell her anything, and talk about anything with her. And I just love her soooo much. She's more than a friend to me....really. She accepts me for who I am. Very few though. I also have a new interest in romance. I'm not gonna jump to conclusions yet.....but I'm kinda feelin him. But most of all, I have a family that loves me unconditionally even through all aliments I may be going through.
But as they say.....
- Location:my computer.
- Mood:
bouncy - Music:Rock my world- Micheal Jackson
MY PANTS ARE STARTING TO FIT LESS SNUG.
^-^
- Mood:awake
- Music:Tamia- can't get enough of you.
Water seeps from our eyes when we are full of dejection?
We emit eccentric noises when something tickles us?
A cold, unforgiving stare creeps upon our exterior when we are full of hate?
When we love, nothing else seems to matter?
our thoughts become mixed with one another?
Just wondering. *-*
- Mood: complacent
It's snowing now. And lots of people are excited. Cuz it rarely snows here. ^-^. I know I am. I think I'm hungry for a snowflake now. *-*
- Mood: amused
- Music:Amber- this is your night.
is it that I have the weirdest sense of humor? I'm pratically rolling out of my chair just be the way someone holds his mouth open. Hmmmmmmmmmm..................
- Mood: mischievous
Way better now. I've been losing weight just like I wanted. Yeeeeeeeeeepppers. And I've got a guy in mind..........Yeah. But I'm keeping my lips shut. My secret. Didn't do diddly today. Just tried to get a japanese jank to work on my computer. But it wasn't proven successful. =( Oh well. But it's okay. Cuz I'm listening to Hikki-chan. Her music can always change my mood.
Moshimo Negai Hitotsu dake
Kanau nara
Kimi no sobatenemurasete.
Shiz rocks. I love *-*. God Bless my dear readers.
- Mood: hyper
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